Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
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Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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