WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
