Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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