there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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