i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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