I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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