Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
