No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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