idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
