Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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