hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
