wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
