there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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