It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
