The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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