Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You left your phone here
Wait...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
