Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
