margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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