New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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