The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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