A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
