i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
