What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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