the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
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Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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