Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
