Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
