If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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