I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
