You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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