I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
