i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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