currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
