walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was confusing and full of hummus
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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