So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
