What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
