The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
