we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
