I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
