How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
