if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The power of my boobs compel you
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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