Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
