I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
