I want to stick my p in your. b.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
