too bad you live with your parents still
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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