i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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