____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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