do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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