just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
