I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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