he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
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There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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