my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You smell like stripper and shame
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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