Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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