So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
