Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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