You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
