We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
