8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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