We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
