nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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