For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
