Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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