I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
