Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
