If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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