Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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