My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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