i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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