Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
