We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
