I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So much rum. So many feels.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
