I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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