i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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