We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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