She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
