i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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