do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
